Friday, February 11, 2011

The Komunikacji Troll

The other day, I was called out on my seeming inability to respond to communications- mainly emails and texts but also phone calls and facebook. At the time I sat back and graciously accepted the constructive criticism that I was being given and have since tried very diligently to improve my ways.
Since that time I have come to believe in a little known and very rare mystical creature that I believe to be the reason for my loved ones thinking I have a communication deficiency. This mystical creature, as I have recently been informed, is known as a Komunikacji Troll (pictured below) and takes residence in an individual's communication lines. Like most breeds of troll, this particular one believes it is entitled to a "toll" for the usage of these communication lines. They take this toll in the form of various communications, communications which I send and the recipient never receives, thus making it seem as though I have been neglecting my correspondence. These trolls are very hard to detect and, sadly, even harder to get rid of. Once they have made their way in, they feel as though all technology and devices belong to them and will put up a fight to protect what they have taken. In my research, I have discovered that the best way to rid yourself of the pest is to lull it out into the open using apple flavored Jolly Ranchers and then to trap it under a small cup or bowl. Once trapped, it is best to flush it down the toilet (as all drains lead to the ocean, thank you Nemo for teaching me that valuable lesson). The troll will hold its breath until it reaches land, but the long amount of time spent under the water will infact cause it to forget the fact that he is a troll and adopt the characteristics of whatever animal it sees first- usually a seagull or crab. This is much safer for all and is the humane way to deal with these creatures.

If you find yourself with a Komunikacji Troll, first of all remain calm, this can be dealt with. Second of all, tell your loved ones- this is not your fault, but they will get mad and blame you. Third, keep a large stock of apple Jolly Ranchers on hand if you suspect that you have an infestation.
Just remember, you are not alone. People all over the world are dealing with this and everything will be ok.

To all of you out there you were mad at me for not responding to a communication, I will now accept your apology.


  1. My troll is called Jakob... recently...mysterious a whole tonned of emails just....disappeared.

  2. I'd keep the troll, it's kinda cute.